Everyone always talks about the joys of Motherhood and how each day is such a wonderful adventure. All of that true, but there is also the part that most mothers won't admit. The challenges and frustrations of motherhood. I don't know if they feel that it isn't right or that by doing so would mean they love their child any less. But, I am writing today because I love my daughter with all my heart and would put my life in harms way any time to make sure she is safe, secure and loved. However, there are times during these first few months where I look at her and wonder how I am going to get through the day.
Newborns are very challenging because they have no other way to communicate with you than by crying. And to be honest, I can't really tell the difference between her cries yet. So, her hunger cry, "I'm wet" cry, bored cry or something is bothering me cry all sound the same to me, which in turn makes things very frustrating. When she is crying I go through the thing that could be wrong and if she isn't hungry or wet than it becomes a complete guessing game. Sometimes I think she cries just because and it is times like those I need to put her down in her swing, turn on the music and walk away. Especially after an hour of crying and nothing I do can soothe her.
Does this make me a bad mother, I don't think so. After being home for 6 weeks and at least one clueless crying fit a day, it is all I can do to save my sanity sometimes.
So, there you go...that is the truth that I am willing to admit. I love my daughter and when she snuggles up to me when I am holding her, it is all I can to keep myself from bursting with love. But, when she cries for hours and nothing I do soothes her, it is all I can do to keep myself from screaming and running.
I know that each day will get a little easier and it has so far. But, it would have been nice for her to come with an instruction manual or even better, to come out talking already so she could tell me what is wrong.
1 comment:
When Lee's sister had her first baby Lee told her she should get the manual. Being the highly educated surgeon she was, she said "Oh please help me and tell the the title and author". He said, the author is you and you are writing a new chapter everyday. Don't worry you are going through what every new mother goes through, and are doing a great job. Sometimes I think it was a wonder my boys even grew up, but it is the love you give her and the affection you show her that will outweigh any of the frustrating moments. Those are the moments SHE will remember.
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